Limbo

I saw you in my dream today.
Even there I could not understand
you loved me or you hated me.
Because I saw love in your eyes
and in your deeds I saw loathing.

I saw tears swelling up in your eyes
that you held with effort.
Like a bubble that would burst
just by a touch,
you’re holding a river in your eyes-
not letting it flow.
You’re holding a storm-
dark rain-bearing clouds.
I turned my face away as
I could not see you cry.

Maybe you thought I looked away
because I hated you.
But you didn’t know
how much pain I was going through.
Your cute face had become even more cute.
And you looked so innocent.
And how helpless I felt!
How much I hated myself
for letting things to come to this.
How could I let you cry?

But your deeds spoke the opposite.
You’re trying to return the money
for all the gifts that I had given you.
How could you do that?
You’re not even talking to me directly
you’re using a mediator
to pass the money.
And I was shying away
as I could not have let our love
stoop so low.
And all this while
I felt my heart ripped away
and I don’t know
even what to say.

That’s when my dream broke
and I woke up.
But I couldn’t determine
I woke from a dream
or I entered one.

~KMnO4

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