~In collaboration with Debarshi Thakuria
He never felt loved by his mother. For others she was the most affectionate-kindhearted woman and a loving mother. For him she never cared about his feelings or tried to understand him. His relationship with his mother was rather ‘toxic’.
She always tried to do everything she could for her son. She just wanted her son to be a happy and successful man in life. Is that a crime? Which parent doesn’t want his child to do well in life? But whatever she did, nothing went well with her son.
He never asked for any of the fancy things that his mother would give him. He didn’t even want them. He didn’t want expensive clothes, food in big restaurants. All his life he felt used to save her so called ‘image’ in front of the society. It is a punishment he received for her failures in life. She wanted him to do what she couldn’t, to achieve what she couldn’t. All she wanted was a son of whom she could boast in front of her relatives and friends. A son to brag of. She never actually cared of him. She did everything so that she could say I did make every possible effort to make him a ‘good boy’ (he didn’t even know what that actually meant).
She gave everything to him.Bought everything he asked, maybe, even more, just so he be happy and study well. All she wanted was a well-mannered kid doing well in studies.And she left no stones unturned in trying to achieve that. But he never seemed to care.
He sometimes felt sad for his father. That kind man’s simplicity is the man’s only enemy who never had a say in the family and who had always been dominated all his life. As for him, he didn’t even know where he fit in in the family. For the last three years he hadn’t talked to his mother. To be honest, he hated her. He didn’t want to see her. The only reason he didn’t wish her to die was his younger sister. She was totally dependent on her. And she was too young to understand all these.
She wanted to safeguard him in the cocoon of the house. She didn’t want him to meet ‘spoilt kids’ of the colony. She didn’t want her son to be a useless boy with no ambition in life. He never understood her.
He was imprisoned within the walls of the labyrinth called house. He wanted to explore…to adventure. He wanted to meet ‘cool kids’ and do ‘wild things’. But he was in shackles. His mother thought of him as a ‘useless boy with no ambition in life’. And with each passing day it got stuck in his mind. He lost his self confidence that he earlier had. It killed him. She never understood him.
30 years later
He is now a ‘good man’- happy and successful. His only worry is his 16 year old son who never seemed to understand him!